February Sucked

When people ask what my blog is about, I tell them I blog about family fun.  Travel, crafts, and all the moments that make our life special.  However, not every day is magical.  And to tell you the truth, February sucked.

All thoughts and opinions are my own.  Sorry for using the word “sucked”, Mom.  But February totally did.

I’m not sharing this in a hope to pull back the curtain.  Although my family and I pride ourselves in our fun, there’s real life that happens here in Clementine County.  But you knew that.  For every road trip, there’s a broken appliance.  Because that’s real life.  At times, we all suffer from pangs of jealousy as we see others’ lives on social media.  We know that we as an online community share our best moments there, and often leave out the less desirable.  I’m okay with that.

So why share how much the month sucked? Mainly, it’s cathartic.  Let’s acknowledge the suckiness and find some good in it, I’m telling myself.  As I draft this post, I know I’ll find the good.  It’s here.  Read on and help me find it.

With illness, household disasters, and losing loved ones, it was a really crummy month.  Let’s start with lost loved ones.

The month began with the loss of a lifelong friend of my mom’s.  Next, my husband lost his grandmother.  She lived a long, love-filled life which brings some comfort.  However, it is heart-wrenching to see people you care for suffer and adapt to the new normal.   In some ways the most soul-crushing is the loss of a friend’s husband.  At 39, this healthy athlete suffered a heart attack as a result of the flu.  Although Ryan wasn’t someone I knew well, to imagine what his wife and two young children must be enduring has shaken my husband and myself.  Despite the rule of people dying in three’s, February brought another funeral.  My sister-in-law Amy (sister-in-law by legal definition only, she’s been my sister every second I can remember) lost her mother after long illness.

One funeral after another after another after another.  It’s hard to not let that get to you.  But as we were driving to one, my sister Carolyn relayed a comment she made to a coworker about attending the services.  “We’ve got a big family.”  Yes, the beginning of the good is here.

Loss Means There Was Love

Yes, we have a big family.  Some of those people are related to us by blood, others by zip code.  As awful as the stream of loss was this month, it is a good reminder that there are so many people in our lives that we care deeply for.  And that is a a very good thing.

At the funeral services for Carol, my sister’s mother-in-law, I took two things away.  The first: if you love someone, make them something.  Carol was a knitter, and wrapped those she loved literally and figuratively in love. The second: be grateful for the time you’ve been given with your loved ones.  Carol’s niece shared a story of doctors flippantly commenting that she’d never see 30.  She spent 77 years filled with gratitude for her life.

Let me take that away from this awful month…those feelings of gratitude and willingness to make my love tangible.

Love Passionately

Ryan’s Celebration of Life was held quite appropriately at Cal State Fullerton’s baseball field.  The service included five speakers: his brother, childhood friend, two coaches, and his father-in-law.  Even the CSUF announcer came on to share Ryan’s baseball stats and records.  As testified by his coaches, he was a phenomenal athlete.  However, even the coaches brought up the man behind the jersey.  With jest suiting a sibling, Ryan’s brother shared how dedicated he was a father, a brother, an uncle.

More good.  I knew it was here.  February, you sucked.  But you’re reminding me that the anticipation of what others need makes you a good athlete and better friend.

Finding Good

Aside from the heartache, there were also some things I’d categorize as minor annoyances.  Our 99-year-old house always needs something, and a windstorm brought that into sharp focus with the fence toppling over.  In the grand scheme of things, it’s not catastrophic.  We have a nice neighbor and good insurance policy.  Maybe we’ll actually get started on the yard renovation projects we’ve let go undone once the fence is finally dealt with.

Georgia broke her thumb at her sister’s birthday party.  Right now, the injury is novel.  It’s providing attention from her peers and time off of school.  But as anyone who has ever dealt with a broken bone can attest, that novelty will wear off and be replaced with frustration in her limited ability.  Her  thumb will heal.  February, I’m fairly certain you’re using this as an opportunity to teach compassion.  You’re sly, February.

There was good this month.  Matt and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary which meant another fabulous meal at the Napa Rose.  Poppy turned 4.  Plenty to be grateful for.  But I will admit that I am eagerly looking forward to turning the page of the calendar to March.  I’m looking forward to the fresh start.  I can’t guarantee that March won’t suck too.  But I will start the new month reminding myself that even through loss and hardship, there’s good to take away.